Changed by Heather Fox

Author:Heather Fox [Fox, Heather]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Prospect and Raven
Published: 2023-06-08T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Brooks

I run the memory back and forth a few more times, not so much studying Maldek’s actions as his form. The perfectly honed way he moves, gliding through the space around him with deadly precision.

Melee combat wasn’t Mercenia’s thing. Sure, we learned some hand to hand stuff, particularly in the early days when we were too small to be trusted with ranged weaponry, but it was more about discipline and fitness than it was about being an effective fighter. Still, I can tell that the raskarrans attacking Maldek lack the focus and discipline that he has. They don’t want to risk getting hurt, I think. They’ve launched a fast, surprise strike in hopes of overpowering an unprepared enemy, only to be met with someone prepared to give his life for something he cares deeply about.

It reminds me of the tactics we used against insurgents. Strike hard and fast, take them by surprise to reduce resistance, reduce the risk of taking casualties. Whenever we did a mission like that, I loved the speed and precision of it, the way my unit worked together as a perfect team, taking out dangerous insurgent encampments with a perfectly planned out application of force. It felt good. Right.

But from this point of view, the surprise strike looks dishonourable, and I wonder for the first time how many of the insurgents we fought, who engaged in grim battles to the death, were fighting to protect loved ones, things they cherished. In Mercenia’s black and white world, we were good, they were bad - a threat to the way of life we enjoyed and the safety of the citizens it was our duty to protect. The pre-mission briefings painted the insurgents as savage, evil, dangerous.

My mind flashes with memories of the briefing about the raskarrans. All the same language, all the same talking points.

But they were wrong about raskarrans. Some of them, at least. Were they wrong about some of the insurgents, too?

The thought makes my gut churn, but I push the questions down. Focus on Maldek for now.

“You fight well,” I say. “Focused, careful. You take risks, but you aren’t reckless. You win, eventually, despite being outnumbered. And then you go straight to her. You’ve explained your decision-making process every step of the way and it’s all logical, sensible. I don’t think many people could have consistently made good decisions like that under fire. You did everything right, everything you could to keep her safe. So tell me how it’s your fault that you couldn’t?”

Maldek gives a sheepish shrug. “This is what many have said to me.”

“And you don’t believe them because?”

He looks at Sam again. I wonder how much of this guilt, this beating himself up, is because he loved her. She’s a dainty little thing, wild hair, but a bright, cheerful smile. Pretty and curvy and feminine.

Everything I’m not.

I shouldn’t feel a sharp slice of jealousy cutting through my chest, especially over someone who died in terrible circumstances.

“I hate that she suffered even a little because of me,” Maldek says, skirting my question.

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